those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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