Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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