There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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