shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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