So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
FUCK WHALES
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