We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
