how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
