I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
