I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
