So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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