Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
