i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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