It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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