we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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