God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
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Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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