Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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