On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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