I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
