I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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