so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
