yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
