Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
