Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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