so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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