I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
