I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
