I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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