Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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