remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.