Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
