Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
