All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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