cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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