Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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