i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I will be naked everywhere
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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