I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
