at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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