I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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