Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
