Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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