I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
