my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
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You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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