Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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