took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
