I didn't shave. On purpose
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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