Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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