I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
