I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
