I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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