is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
tell me about the fingering
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
