Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize