Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
