end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
