you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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