i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
