You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize