One girl and one boy is just not enough.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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