Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
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Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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